From Fragile to F*ck it overnight. Viola!

Everyone deals with all kinds of stuff differently. Right now I have a serial rapist satellite provider, A guy who blames me for everything that happens in his life because, well….he’s a big pussy and won't take responsibility for his own actions, OH- and his cray cray girlfriend who has elected me the poster child of all his wrong doings in his past. Lucky moi. So I have my share of bullsh*t and during these (trying to stay sane) I have noticed my “dealing” mechanism lately and this is what I have come up with.

I, without any control of my own, start with the “fragile” “why is this happening to poor lil’ me just hold me and tell me everything will be okay” approach… the day of whatever is going to happen that day. This is the time I use to reflect and re-evaluate just what is really going on and how I got myself in the mess to begin with. I obsess and let it absolutely consume me, even frighten me at times. I'll come up with all these options on how to handle the situation and a P.O.A (plan of action) even have imaginary fights with the other person(s) involved in my head (in which of course, I always win). I will then usually end up exhausted in bed ready for a good night’s slumber.

The next morning, however, is when everything changes. I have gotten a solid 8 (or 10, who am I kidding?!) and I’m over it. I want no more of any of it and if you bring it up, so help me god for you will receive a well- rehearsed tongue-lashing (which is just me taking it out on you, sorry). I am no more the “poor lil’ girl” but instead back to my strong-minded self. At that minute I pity you for being so silly to even having involved me or come at me and I feel sorry for you. My mind is made up and more than likely I won’t confront you but I am hoping our paths will cross again and it is then that I will take total advantage and tell you what I truly think of you. My silence is not weakness but should be viewed as more of a… haunting.

I decided to write this because this shows a lesson I have learned about myself and its not like anyone reads this crap anyways. I might piss & moan a bit initially but in the end I am resilient and bounce back rather quickly. This process to deal with any disruptions in my life has taught me to pay attention to myself and realize the things I can control and the things I can’t. This ability to look at myself has been a big step in becoming who I am today and it is that same ability that is going to make me the best me possible in the future.