Reunited and It Feels…Better Than I Imagined

So …anyone who has known me for a substantial amount of time knows I was the sole population of Shit City for a long time in my life; a lot longer than I care to admit. You might also know of the story of how/why I quit drinking and what events/people led me to that life-changing decision. For those that don’t, it's your typical story of Boy meets Girl, Boy is a hoe looking for a sugar mama but toys with Girl in the meantime, Boy moves in with (now) wife, wife calls Girl exploiting #Girlgang to find out dirt on Boy, Girl will not spill tea, and wife murders a bunny and mails it to Girl. …Gotcha! Ok, so it wasn’t a bunny… but it was a silly painting that was shared between the two. The picture was cut into pieces, dipped in something sus, and sent to Girl…at work. That was the last time I talked to Boy.

This Boy really did a number on me. I was emotionally, and mentally unsure of a lot during that time and after. I wouldn’t wish that on anyone but…the spite I had for him did fuel a hell of a glow-up! It was this animosity-fueled ride that led to multiple degrees, making moves to buy a home, get my license, buy cars, find an amazing job that was passionate work, and completely overhaul myself- from responding to stimuli instead of reacting, developing a better communication style to finding understanding within myself to be able to show others unconditional support. HBIC! Deep down I was waiting for the day I see Boy again and give him a piece of my mind.

Throughout this time in my life, I thought about Boy. I’ve made peace with the hurt caused and even found a way to understand the entire 5-year friendship’s abrupt ending. I accepted an apology that I was never formally given and I found a way to progress into a strong, rational, woman. Life was good and getting better by the year! I have earned the reputation as a reliable, trustworthy ally, a hardworking independent femme who has surrounded herself with some dope-ass, relatable friends. I started making myself and my desires a priority by addressing bucket list items of life and fulfilling my own dreams.

Every now and again, I would share the story of Boy with others – which always left me wondering “what if?” What if we talked again? What if we didn’t? What if I was given that lesson to help me grow so I could find someone great? Or maybe I was the someone great I was supposed to find? Every now and again, someone would ask why the situation was still alive and what did I really want? I never had a straight answer. My first reaction was “fuck that! Never” because I was still very sad at how I could have been abandoned so quickly and easily. But I think I always knew I’d talk with Boy again someday because we always shared a strong connection; toxic most of the time but magnetic, nonetheless.

I’ll set the scene. It's 10 years later. If you are keeping score that’s 10 years sober! I browse a social media site where I know Boy is and has been. Today is no different than any other day on that site except a mutual friend is celebrating something. I see the post. I look for Boy’s comments- nothing. I make a comment congratulation the friend. I then get curious. Where is Boy? How is Boy? I decided to check out his page; just minimally. Like I was never there. I check it out quickly. Found out location; good, still out of state. And exited the page. I felt nervous because his wife was so unhinged before, I wasn’t sure what to expect. At this point, I pitied her and her dramatic response 10 years ago because she was fighting for something and it was kind of sad. Certainly, was a lot more passion than I was willing to show- I mean, to be honest, we weren’t in the best place when the situation ended and I was a much better version of myself because I was away from it all and wasn’t holding myself back or letting anyone else hold me back either.

Later my phone notified me of something. I look down, Boy has emailed me. I stare past the notification on the screen and don’t make a move. All I can think is “Look what you have done, you little jerk! (“Home Alone” reference, IYKYK😊) you have opened a can of worms now.” My anxiety has now entered the chat in the form of a quickened pulse, raised temperature, blank stare, and silence. The email was very minimal. Politely saying hi and asking how I’ve been. 7000 responses entered my head. I landed on one and received a response back. This is what I have been waiting for, manifesting for a decade, and here it is. “What do I want from this interaction?” I asked myself.

It was like no time had passed. There has never been a more natural feeling while talking with someone. Where once I imagined this space to be filled with rage and hatred was now a calming undertone of understanding and compassion. I no longer felt angry or spiteful. It melted away within seconds of hearing Boy’s voice. Now the excitement is presently wanting to hear about his life and how we ended up here. He was complimentary, inquisitive, and maybe a little excited too, as evident by his voice at times. I feel respected and accomplished. And he is not the same. I recognize the person I used to enjoy being with but there was a sense of direction, and certainty that was new.

It's all new and maybe it leads to nothing, but it feels like something. Can we be friends again? Does he want to be friends? Or even to stay in contact? Do I? The world literally opened up in front of me with possibilities and I feel intrigued. Let’s ride it out and see what becomes of the reconnection. It's already 100X more rewarding than I could have ever imagined so it feels like a win.